


neon lights

by hibouxx



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Internal Conflict, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:20:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29055048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hibouxx/pseuds/hibouxx
Summary: “I love you.” He voices in a soft, fleeting manner. “You’re the best thing that's happened to me.”
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 6
Kudos: 120





	neon lights

**Author's Note:**

> >i wrote this in a day so please excuse any error  
> >this was meant to be all jaehyun-pampering but instead i made him angst a little, sorry  
> >tw // hinted body dysmorphia, strict dieting 
> 
> anyway, here i offer you cotton candy fluff, enjoy

The door clicks shut behind him softly, the sound reverberating in the emptiness of the apartment. Jaehyun smothers the fatigue and distracts himself by carefully undoing the laces on his ankle boots.

His hands are still cold from the chill outside and his jacket is damp from the melted snow so he takes his time standing in front of the portable heater Yuta set at the foyer for this very purpose. 

The anticipation of seeing his boyfriend shoots to the forefront of his mind and he scans the quiet apartment for any hints of how Yuta’s day had gone and finds it in the clean clothes folded on the couch and the uncharacteristically clear sink.

It’s almost 11 so he bounds to the bedroom, half expecting for Yuta to be asleep. Instead he finds him lounging in bed with his head propped on his hand, flipping through a magazine from last year where Jaehyun got his first double-page spread.

“Welcome home. How was your shoot?” He asks softly, shuffling to his feet so he can greet Jaehyun with a feathery kiss that ghosts over his chapped lips. Jaehyun pushes forward for a proper kiss and Yuta giggles into his mouth.

“A nightmare. They brought in a new makeup artist because Yubin had an emergency and they had to redo my makeup three times because they couldn’t get the right shade.”

“Was it a niche concept?” Yuta pillows his head on his chest, pressing a kiss on his shoulder through his sweater before moving to pull him towards the bathroom. 

“It was, so the makeup really had to be done in a particular way.” 

Yuta looks up at him and thumbs at a spot above his cheekbone. “They also didn’t get everything off. Are those freckles?”

“Ah, that’s right. That was also part of it.” He says sheepishly, squeezing Yuta’s hand when it got too ticklish. 

The tile floor is warm from the heating when Jaehyun takes his socks off, and there’s a candle burning and water steaming from the tub. Yuta nudges him forward when he pauses to take everything in. 

“You ran me a bath?”

“Ten told me the shoot was extended and I know you haven’t had much sleep the past few days. I think a bath will be much more relaxing than a shower, no?” Jaehyun grabs Yuta and pulls him close, inspecting the softly brushed hair and the round and inviting eyes.

“I love you.” He voices in a soft, fleeting manner. “You’re the best thing that's happened to me.” 

The words snap Yuta out of his momentary stupor and his cheeks colour a lovely shade of pink that bleeds all the way down his neck. 

“Alright that’s enough sappiness for the night. Come on, I’ll help you wash your hair.” Jaehyun’s eyebrow quirks when Yuta swirls around to rummage through the cabinets and comes back with two fancy looking bottles.

“I saw these online. They have good reviews, they’re supposed to work especially well with bleached hair.” Yuta cards his fingers through his permed hair, still stiff from products, when Jaehyun bends down to shimmy out of his jeans.

“Are you worried about me going bald before I hit 30?” He chuckles when Yuta’s face brightens in amusement.

“I’m sure you’d still be just as handsome but I do like having something to pull on.”

Jaehyun dips his toes in the water first, letting out a pleased hum at the perfect temperature. It would’ve been a shame if he’d come home a little later so he mentally applauds himself for not making any unnecessary stop.

“I think all the hair pulling will get to me first before the bleaching does.” He lowers himself into the water and watches Yuta pull his sleeves back and squeeze in the space between Jaehyun’s head and the tile wall.

“Shut up, you like it.” He’s careful not to splash Yuta when he tips his head back with a moan as skilful fingers work a lather through his slightly faded, salmon pink hair.

A moment of quiet respite passes between them where all the burdensome thoughts dissipate with the steam rising from the tub. Jaehyun laces his fingers together over his belly as the day’s tension melts under Yuta’s touch and his senses are filled by the balmy fragrance from the luxury candle he received from a sponsor last Christmas and Yuta’s own sweet perfume.

“Jaehyun?”

“Hmm?” He cracks an eye open, not even aware they’d slipped close, and Yuta’s fingers work their way down the back of his head to his stiff shoulders. He knows the exact places to press and knead, and much later, to kiss, and it warms Jaehyun’s skin in a way the bath can’t.

“I love you too.”

—

Jaehyun is barely 18 when he gets scouted off the streets of Gangnam after cram school, and it’s easy back then, to see himself winding through the path of glamour and cutthroat competition and seeing himself coming out of it a whole.

He realises, much later, that it isn’t about being able to keep every bit of him together, but being able cut and reshape himself into what’s needed of him, adhering into every mould they set for him like clay. That’s how he survives the gradual climb from high street fashion to luxury fashion houses.

He meets Yuta in between that transition, somewhere along his last H&M shoot and his first contract with Armani, in an obscure bubble tea shop bathed in neon lights, right across his management building. Quiet and unobtrusive, his actual height is shrunk by his demeanour and it would’ve been too easy to overlook him if not for how he tripped over Jaehyun’s leather shoe and nearly dumped his taro milk tea down the shirt he had only just changed into.

There are days when he wonders how things would’ve played out if he hadn’t stopped him for his number or if Yuta didn’t look past the flashy clothes and gelled hair.

“Deep in thoughts?” Jaehyun’s phone slips from his fingers and lands flat on his lap. It lights up briefly, but long enough that Ten’s eyes are drawn towards the screen. He shifts in the chair he’s just stolen from Lucas, who’s busy getting dressed, and regards Jaehyun with a mix of amusement and concern.

“You shouldn’t have that as your background, you don’t know when the wrong person will see it.”

His finger hovers over the dark screen. He recalls the exact place where Yuta’s lips are puckered in a petulant pout under the glass. It’s a photo from their last trip out of town a few years back, at a private resort in Busan that his previous manager helped him arrange.

“I keep my phone in my bag all the time.”

“And if your phone is stolen?” 

He exhales through his mouth and leans back against the chair. It’s not the first time the topic has been brought up. “Then they’ll find more incriminating photos than a close up of Yuta’s upset face.”

Ten bursts into a choked laugh, “He is adorable though, isn’t he? I really can’t blame you.” He pulls his iPad up on his lap and scrolls through his calendar and Jaehyun peeks without shame. His name is plastered across the next consecutive days for a fall editorial shoot and Ten taps twice on the last highlighted day.

“The team is planning a party after wrap up, that’s Saturday night. There are a few designers and renowned models expected to attend.”

Disappointment creeps up his gut and Ten must notice the visible break in the mood because he cocks his head in question, “You can’t attend?”

“It’s our anniversary dinner.” 

Ten nods, and it’s clear he’s not going to push it. They’ve only been working together for a little less than two years but Ten knows that matters relating to Yuta are not up for negotiation. 

“That’s fine. It’s not crucial that you go since we’re not actively scouting for jobs. I was just hoping you could make new friends.” He offers a small smile that eases the tension from Jaehyun’s shoulders.

“That’s not necessary. I have you, and Lucas, and Johnny, and all the staff members.” 

“But it shouldn’t hurt to have a few more people who can watch your back.” He considers the words for a moment, and recalls the few scattered thoughts that follow him outside schedules. The what ifs and what could have beens. 

If he were single and not tied down in a long-term committed relationship, will it make dodging propositions and curving attempts at seduction less stress-inducing? He banishes the thoughts as soon as they come, harshly clamping down on them until there’s nothing but echoes left.

—

Their first fight isn’t anything monumental, there’s no screaming or getting physical, just quiet tension and painful yearning. Jaehyun doesn’t remember what’s it about, only that it happens just days short of Yuta moving in with him at his one-bedroom apartment overlooking the Han river.

Everything is a smooth affair after that; they fall into a rhythm that’s easy to maintain, and it’s equal parts fervent and comfortable. Yuta is home, in every sense of the word, and Jaehyun cowers away from the thought of losing that.

That fear pulses through him in hot bursts when a new model, who can’t be older than 19, slips him her number at the end of a schedule, mistaking his hospitality for interest and his reputation as a free pass to push her breasts against his chest in an empty dressing room.

“Just a kiss.” She mutters between glossy lips, batting her glittered eyes at him for the smallest reactions. Jaehyun’s hands are clammy and stiff where he has them on her shoulders, and all he can think of is how different she feels in his arms, how awkward their height difference is and how tangy her perfume smells in comparison to the sharp, floral notes that have already become part of Yuta’s character.

“I’m sorry.” He says and takes two steps back, it’s a safe enough distance to conceal his jitters.

“Why? You’re single, aren’t you?” Jaehyun’s lips remain pressed tightly in a firm line and it’s a dead giveaway. 

“Oh, you’re not? You should’ve said so.” She hikes her sleeves up her shoulders and straightens her skirt and Jaehyun lets the breath he’s been holding trickle between his lips as he repeats,

“I’m sorry.”

Yuta kisses him full on the mouth when he crawls into bed at one in the morning after that particular incident, too sleepy to make out the lines on Jaehyun’s forehead and the scent of blackberries that seems to have stained his skin permanently.

Jaehyun doesn’t tell him about the almost-kiss, or the many ones before that. He reckons it’s a form of relief, because Yuta doesn’t need his sleep to be riddled with irrational fears and insecurities, he doesn’t need him second-guessing his value, and above all, he doesn’t want him to see, that underneath Jaehyun’s certainties are cleverly concealed misgivings. 

—

Yuta is not much of a cook, but he proves himself capable when the situation calls for it, and it never ceases to impress Jaehyun, especially when he comes home early from an appointment and finds the apartment alight with the smell of stewing beef and soy sauce.

“I’m home.” He calls out softly and patters to the kitchen where he surveys an assortment of bottles with Japanese written all over them, tries to read one of the labels with the little knowledge he picked up from Yuta but gives up after skimming past the third kanji.

“You really came back early.” Yuta mutters, sweat dripping from the sides of his face and his slightly greasy hair bundled hastily with an elastic at the base of his neck.

“I told you I only have a gym schedule today, so I’ll be done early.”

“I didn’t think you actually would.” His boyfriend quips and despite Yuta’s intention, the words pierce through him with little mercy. He does his best to keep his promises but the demands of his profession far outweighs his personal choices. 

“You know I don’t mean it like that right?” Yuta asks, his tone soft and Jaehyun schools his expression even though Yuta has already seen through him.

“I know you didn’t but I’m still sorry for missing dinner all the time.” He is tugged closer by his wrist and he finds himself draped over Yuta, soaking in the dampness from his raggedy t-shirt and the warmth radiating from his body. 

“Jaehyun, I don’t mind. We both know it was going to be like this from the beginning.” Jaehyun nods against his shoulder, arms coming to wrap around Yuta’s waist. The latter shifts so Jaehyun is not in danger of burning himself on the pot, and he responds with a well-meaning kiss at the base of his neck. The newly darkened tresses fall over his eyes, obscuring his view of the dish Yuta seems to have successfully put together.

“Did you just get back from a run?”

The change in topic does the trick, and Jaehyun feels a slight shiver run through Yuta’s body from excitement. “I did, and guess what, remember Mr. Kim? He got a new dog, it’s so cute and small.” 

“Do you want a dog?” 

“The apartment is a bit small for one and the barking will drive the neighbours mad.” Yuta reasons and Jaehyun is stricken by the conflict he sees in Yuta’s features. He closes his eyes and tries to tame the guilt that’s churning in his belly.

“What if we moved?” 

“No. This place is convenient for your work and we can hardly afford a bigger one in the same area.” Jaehyun can now, but he’s decided a long time ago that he’ll never impose his choices on Yuta.

“The food is ready.” The older man interrupts before Jaehyun can contest. He turns around in the cage of Jaehyun’s arm and kisses him softly, patiently, and he tastes of sake and clementines. He steps back while Yuta prepares the table and he’s overwhelmed by a sense of mundaneness, the kind that billows around him like early morning mist, evoking nostalgia. 

When he comes back to the table after changing into some sweatpants (Yuta’s, judging by the length) and a worn t-shirt, he finds his food meticulously portioned in bowls and smaller dishes, perfectly aligned with his nutritionist’s advice. Yuta always pays careful and meaningful attention despite appearing unimpressed with his diet most of the time. 

He makes sure to kiss him some more before he starts deconstructing Yuta’s artistic efforts in plating. The beef is a little overdone, but that’s how Yuta cooks it most of the time and he’s had years learning to like it. 

“So, about this Saturday…” Yuta murmurs distractedly, his tongue darting to the corner of his lips where a grain of rice is only a little bit out of reach. Jaehyun picks it off for him fondly.

“What about this Saturday? Did you decide what to order yet? There’s a new French restaurant Ten told me about. We can try that.” 

“Actually,” Yuta turns his attention down at his own bowl, “I made plans with Doyoung. An old friend is in town over the weekend, so I was hoping maybe we can postpone our dinner to next week?” 

Jaehyun pauses mid-chew. In all the years they’ve been together, Yuta has never once cancelled on him and it’s jarring as much as it’s gripping, to have him bailing on their fifth anniversary. The beef feels tougher somehow when he swallows it, and it leaves a thick lump in its wake.

“Of course.” He pretends to pick the stew apart, setting the onions aside to eat later, when he no longer feels like he’s choking on thin air. “I mean, Ten was telling me about a party on Saturday, and I was considering going.” 

It’s either Yuta’s too in tune with his emotions and he simply doesn’t want to make Jaehyun feel worse by sympathising or he really falls for the act because he’s smiling tentatively, standing up so he can reach across the table without worrying about jostling the bowls. He angles Jaehyun’s head up and brushes his lips softly over his. 

“Thank you.”

—

“Did you get into a fight with Yuta?” Lucas manages to get the words in before Ten pulls them towards a small crowd of potential _‘sponsors’_. For once he envies Johnny’s propensity for being late.

“No. Where did you get that idea?” He huffs while the so called sponsors are still busy chatting up another model, and hopes it’s enough to deter his interest but Lucas is anything but compliant. 

“Your wallpaper isn’t him anymore. And you’re here, I heard today’s your anniversary.” 

“You’re too nosy.” He says in a steady breath and the music is loud enough that they’re not in danger of being overheard. “And no, we didn’t fight. He has something up and Ten made me change my wallpaper just for tonight.” 

“Oh that sucks, I bet you’d rather be home with him than stuck here.” There's irony in the way Lucas offers consolation, standing next to Jaehyun in a designer suit and a glass of champagne cradled between his bony fingers while his eyes follow the path of a model with hair that reaches down to her waist and limbs nearly as long as Jaehyun’s. He immediately recognises her as one of Lucas’ consistent fling over the years.

“Just go and talk to her, geez.” He chuckles, pretending he’s not mulling over Lucas’ words, or over how small and irrelevant Yuta would feel in a space like this, hedged by the walls of the sacrilegious disguised as glitz and bright lights.

Jaehyun ponders how lucky Lucas happens to be, to have latched on to someone from the same viscous, dog-eat-dog world, someone who knows the risks and understands the payoffs. Someone who’s meant to bend under the pressure and the skewed ideas of the industry without snapping. 

“No way dude. You see those guys there?” Lucas motions to a pair of middle aged men in polished suits, “They’re the big bosses of her agency. She’ll be in big trouble if she’s spotted with me.” 

Jaehyun turns away and finds one of the designers Ten wants him to meet watching them with interest, “Right.” he takes a sip of the champagne and nudges Lucas in the man’s direction. “Let’s go.”

The party isn’t as much of a party as it is a fancy networking and Jaehyun comes to understand why Ten had been particularly insistent on this one when big names make an entrance halfway through the evening. There are discussions about a show in New York and a collaboration with Vogue but his mind slips into a different place, one much quieter, where the lights are not quite as bright.

So he slips away from the crowd and after a few hours of intentional anonymity he finally corners Ten, with Johnny hovering in concern behind him. Lucas has long since slipped away with the model. 

“Can I leave now too?” Ten looks up at Johnny, who shrugs like it’s not a matter worth discussing. 

“It’s not like I can stop you.” He concedes and motions to the side door, “Try not to attract attention when you leave.”

“I’m pretty good at that.” He pauses just a few paces away, pulling his sleeve up to check the time, “By the way, do you know if there’s any animal shelter that would be open around this time?”

—

He hardly feels any sense of surprise when he comes home to Yuta spread out on the couch with a music show playing on the TV, set to the lowest volume. He sets what he’s carrying to the floor and pushes it behind a potted plant, making note of the washer running in the background and the empty containers of food sitting on the counter. 

Somehow, he knew Yuta would be home.

“The party’s done?” His boyfriend asks in a weirdly jovial tone when he sees him approach and Jaehyun pulls his scarf off with a scowl. 

“I left early. Why did you lie?” He doesn’t bother to remove his jacket before squeezing between the arm of the couch and Yuta. The older man is only wearing a stretched out tank top and a pair of flimsy pyjama bottoms and there are goosebumps lining up the expanse of exposed skin.

Yuta’s fingers slink between his and Jaehyun wonders how he’s able to function when his fingertips feel like icicles. He wants to grab the throw blanket and cover Yuta from head to toe with it but he’s too comfortable beside him.

Yuta’s expression is unguarded, and he looks so beautifully coarse with his hair sticking out and his eyes heavy with sleep that Jaehyun almost forgets why he’s upset. “I wanted you to attend the party.”

“Ten told you.”

“That he did.”

“You could’ve just told me to go. There was no need to make up excuses.” He relaxes into the couch just as Yuta crawls into his embrace, nestling into the crook of his neck. He pulls his feet up to rest them on the edge of the couch and Jaehyun snickers at the sight of the thick and colourful wool socks. Yuta’s not immune to the cold after all.

“I know you still wouldn’t have gone.”

“Okay, you win. I really would’ve ditched that party for you.” He takes a deep breath of home and jokingly adds, “And if you’re going to mope around, at least turn the heat up. You’re freezing.” Yuta peers at him, only a little disgruntled, and presses closer to leech off his body heat. 

“I wasn’t moping. I ordered in and had some cake too.” Jaehyun’s thumb traces the dip of Yuta’s waist and he fidgets under the touch but encourages it with a purposeful purr. Five years and Yuta still manages to make his heart flutter delicately in his chest. 

“And you ate it without me.” 

“Last time I tried to make you eat cake you whined all day about it.” 

“A small slice won’t kill me.” 

“Cool, I got your face printed on it.” Jaehyun turns to him in disbelief but he can’t decide if Yuta’s playing him or if he’s entirely serious about it. “And that’s not a lie.” He adds for good measure.

Jaehyun sees the light flush settle over his cheeks when he chuckles and he kisses him below his ear. Jaehyun continues stroking down his hip and breathes out in contentment, “You’re so weird.”

And thoughtlessly, he mutters, “Do you know, some old geezer tried to proposition me.” The words are out of his mouth before he can rethink it, and instead of the usual weight of panic, he finds only hilarity in the story.

“Oh? Well I can’t blame them, look at you,” Yuta makes sure that he gets his point across by cradling his face and poking his dimples with his thumbs, purposely letting his gaze rake down Jaehyun’s body, “you’re so beautiful. This outfit? It was made for you. The whole world should be tripping all over themselves for your attention.” 

He lets his head fall back in laughter and Yuta joins him, his entire body convulsing with mirth and quietly he supplies,

“But you’re mine.” Jaehyun’s hand tightens on his hip and he muffles Yuta’s yelp with his mouth. Maybe he’ll tell him about all the others too, one day, but for now he’ll kiss him, drinking in the relief in the carefree smile across his boyfriend’s face.

“I’m sorry for making you think that you had to make excuses just so I would attend the party, and I’m sorry for always missing out.” Yuta nudges his nose against his jaw and it’s as cold as his fingertips but Jaehyun laps up the feeling and holds him as close as possible.

“It’s just one night. Our relationship isn’t hinged on anniversary dinners or holiday trips, Jaehyun. We’re fine. If anything, I just want you to sleep more.”

His heart feels full and his eyes are hot like embers, and he knows there’s nothing more gratifying than the acceptance and the unflinching understanding Yuta so eagerly offers.

He jostles Yuta out of the comfort of his arms with a contrite smile, “Come here. I have something for you.” and he wonders if it’s the tightness in his voice or the glimmer over his eyes but Yuta follows him to the foyer without question. 

When he pulls the carrier from behind the potted plant and into view, he makes sure to watch every shift in Yuta’s demeanor when he finally takes in the round eyes peering up at them in curiosity.

“Jae-?”

“I’m pretty sure barking won’t be an issue.” He says, unlocking the carrier, and one little paw ventures out with a curious tap, and then another and finally, one ginger tabby kitten is pattering towards them.

  
  
  


  
  
_(extra)_

Jaehyun chances a nervous glance towards Yuta and earns a much-deserved scolding from his trainer. “Focus.” He grouses while Jaehyun tries not to break out into cold sweat at the sight of his friends towering over his boyfriend, who's trying not to trip on the treadmill.

It’s the first time they’re meeting him, despite being friends with Jaehyun for almost as long as the two of them have been dating, because Jaehyun had been too determined to keep that part of his life from seeping into his relationship.

He thought he was protecting Yuta from the gritty bits of his career but now he knows he only managed to alienate him.

“You’re so cute. I can’t believe Jaehyun has been hiding you away for so long.” Lucas is loud, and Jaehyun doesn't need to strain to hear him over his trainer’s counting. His muscle contracts when he lowers the barbell to his chest and heaves it up with effort and his concentration breaks only long enough to hear the tail end of an awkward introduction.

“-my best friend.” Jaehyun gapes in their direction and he’s warned another time.

“Should I send them all out?” His trainer grumbles but he knows he’s not serious about it so instead he excuses himself and makes a beeline towards the three of them. 

Yuta jumps off the treadmill within a second, holding a bright pink towel that he dabs all over Jaehyun’s face. 

Johnny gives him a thumbs up, “You taught him well.” and Jaehyun grits in frustration,

“Can you not terrorise him?” At the same time Lucas says, “That’s some really lovey-dovey best friend shit you’ve got there going.”   
  


**Author's Note:**

> for anyone wondering, yuta cooked /drum rolls/ nikujaga! 


End file.
